I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
