OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
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