so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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