I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize