I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
