Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
