I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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