you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
