Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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