Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
