If that was your dad, he is hot
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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