Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
