Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
