Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
