I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How many fucks given?
0.12846
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
