Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
