How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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