She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
