Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
