If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
