From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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