My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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