it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
