Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
