I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
