Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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