Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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