Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
