I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
