i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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