There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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