come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so let's talk penis.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
