i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
