went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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