i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
