I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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