Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
