i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he thought i was a dude.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
