They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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