I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
