Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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