Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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