it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
