i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
