My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
