toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
