Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
