Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
