O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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