So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
