I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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