My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize