MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
