she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
