i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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