He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He shit in the fireplace
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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