I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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