Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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