Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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