big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
