You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
