I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize