This girl is more easily done than said...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
