Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
