I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
