Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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