it was like eating out sand paper
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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