woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize