so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
